A New King's Born Today

OK, he was coronated yesterday. My bad.

What a season. WHAT. A. FUCKING. SEASON. It would be fair to say that in a season where four people were potentially in with a shot at the title in the last race, any one of them would've been a worthy champion. NOT ALONSO I SAY. But that's just me. I don't like his face, or indeed, anything else that has endeared him to some turncoats who rooted for him after having been dedicated(this stands to reason now) Schumacher loyalists at one point.

Speaking of Schumacher loyalists. I still am one ('HAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH', I can hear you erupt... dude... don't choke now, drink some water). Yes. It has been a HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA season. It's been humiliating. It's been infuriating. It's been sad. I get that. I totally get that. But isn't that the whole point of being faithful to something?(Ooooh, heavy shit). I am not going to drop the 'doubt is a part of all religions' bomb (oh wait, I just did) but yes, that might be what I'm getting at. Here's to irrationally and stupidly hoping(and of course, praying) Schumi-Brawn get it right next year. And shut those fuckers up.

Sebastian Vettel, you are THE MACHA. Despite all that negative stupid press claptrap shadowing him ('His racecraft needs honing', 'He can only win from pole', 'He wins because he is RBR's darling', etc) throughout. Even Martin Whitmarsh dismissed him as a 'crash kid'. Thank you for giving me something to cheer about, something to take back from this monumentally crappy second half of the year. Much love to Luscious Liz and Randy Mandy. Multiple World Champion, FOSHO.

Red Bull for the way they went about it. Though their 'giving both drivers an equal shot' approach was criticized, they were vindicated at Yas Marina. It's scary imagining what would have happened if they had switched Vettel and Webber back in Brazil. I'll tell you what would have happened. Tamil in Persian script would have happened. The reason Ferrari ended up playing gillli-danda with their strategy is because they kept thinking of their man's position in relation to Webber(who had a bad weekend overall). They got jacked, big time. They should have paid more attention to finishing fourth, instead of trying to second-guess Webber and his pit-calls.

Special mention to Lewis Hamilton, Jenson Button and Mark Webber for having played their part. Even people like Kubica and Rosberg who quietly went about showing the world that they are potential champions-in-waiting who were handicapped by a stale vada of a car. Kobayashi for being the living, crashing and rampaging Gult movie on track at all times. Branson and Fernandes for acting like retards (with their bet) and Branson for being a (likeable) retard by honouring it. Vitaly Petrov! What badassery! It's deliciously ironic how Renault ended up thwarting the championship hopes of their ex-soanpaapdi. AAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Alonso. Campion-del-Mundo failure GAHAHAHAHAHHA.

And isn't it poetic that Schumacher(albeit indirectly and extremely stupidly and embarrassingly) had a role to play in denying Alonso and the Scuderia the Championship? If he hadn't spun there and if Liuzzi's car hadn't ended up intercoursing the MGP W01, there would have been no safety car period. If that hadn't happened, Petrov and Rosberg wouldn't have pitted so early in the race. Petrov wouldn't have been in front of Alonso for over 30 laps as a result. Kubica wouldn't have been able to pit and retain track position ahead of Alonso. Alonso would have managed fourth.

Vettel would not have been world champion.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA Alonso and HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH Ferrari.

And Old Man, don't turn in your dentures just yet. We've got work to do.